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Crypto Shark Tank Just Got Worse (If That’s Even Possible)

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Discover Crypto Shark Tank, the new Dragons Den TV show for crypto startups in a captivating and yet ultra cringe-worthy pitch series.

Discover Crypto Shark Tank, the new Dragons Den TV show for crypto startups, in a captivating yet ultra-cringe-worthy pitch series.

CoinMarketCap and Hello Labs are breaking new ground, trying to captivate the Web3 scene with “Killer Whales,” their version of a crypto Shark Tank TV show.

The first episode of Crypto Shark Tank was, by all accounts, extremely cringe. More cringe than accidentally liking your ex’s photo from 2013 while stalking their social media (yikes).

This week’s second episode was much worse (if that is possible), making Angel Investing in web3 look like a total embarrassment.

“This has got to be a parody,” YouTuber Atrioc said in a live stream.

Crypto Shark Tank Pitch #1: Ticketmaster But Crypto

First off, to get this out of the way. none of the pitches get money.

They get mentorship. Big sad.

The first pitch for the sharks – featuring a panel of investors including Anthony Scaramucci, Aaron Arnold of Altcoin Daily fame, and Gracy Chen, who replaced Crypto YouTubr Wendy O  – was for a crypto Ticketmaster called Celebratix.

The sharks pan-fried Celebratix CEO Frank Roskam, who boasted that he was a model for Dolce and Gabbana.

“I’m worried that you’re too much of a pretty boy and you’re going to get distracted,” said  Scaramucci. “How do you maintain focus?”

In five minutes, Celebratix’s CEO flirted with the female shark (or it was edited that way; either way – wtf), used a day-in-the-life TikTok as his pitch, and didn’t talk about his product at all.

And yet, against all odds, the show steals the embarrassment crown from its dubious guests.

Web3 entrepreneurs are expected to pitch their project to the panel. If three of the five panel members greenlight the idea—choosing “swim” over “sink”—the project gets financial backing.

The panel of sharks rarely offers any eye-opening financial advice, with several YouTube investors on the panel.

Aaron of Altcoin Daily stunned us this week, funding a project with no business plan, saying: “Satoshi Nakamoto started with nothing, so I’m willing to take a chance on you.”

LOL, and we can’t let this slide. Aaron’s intro – who we admittedly like on Altcoin Daily – needs working. He starts each show by saying, “I like Bitcoin, and I like Ethereum.”

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Crypto Shark Tank Pitch #2: Spotify But Crypto and Opaque Sports Thingy

As was one of the common problems with episode one of Crypto Shark Tank, the panel asks, “Why do I need this with crypto,” the entrepreneur stumbles – and it’s over.

The next two projects were a Spotify with a crypto platform called Newm and a Sports Commentary app called Fx1.

Newm was sharply criticized for having 8,700 followers on Twitter and 7000 people across your website over the past six months.

Where do they even find these projects? Maybe it is a parody.

The last proposal, FX1.io, was barely the only project that got a green light.

Fx1.io only gets around 20 users daily – and the founders have been doing this for four years.

I mean, what is this? The next Cardano?

The Bottom Line: Reflections on Killer Whales

This is just another reminder that is how most people see the crypto space – as “crypto bros.”

‘Killer Whales’ just cements that stereotype. God, the cringe. It’s like a virus. Someone send help.

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Disclaimer: Crypto is a high-risk asset class. This article is provided for informational purposes and does not constitute investment advice. You could lose all of your capital

Isaiah McCall is an ultramarathon runner and journalist for 99Bitcoins.

View all Posts by Isaiah Mccall

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