The Dutch tulip mania in the 1630’s set the standard for monetary excess. At its height, one could buy a mansion on the Amstel in exchange for one tulip. In great contrast to Bitcoins, Tulips capture carbon. They are also beautiful, and fragrant when in shades of orange and apricot. Bitcoin holds no visual or monetary appeal. Even the intellectual merit of Bitcoin’s blockchain protocol dims in contrast to its technological imperfections and its nefarious environmental impact, not to mention that it has struggled to find an actual use – indeed, its proponents increasingly claim it was never meant to be a currency, but a store of value. I have no doubt that Bitcoin’s price will eventually converge with its value, which lies between zero and an important negative amount should its associated carbon emissions ever be accounted for. The most financially-savvy expert on Bitcoin seems to agree – upon its IPO, Coinbase’s CFO Alesia Haas proceeded to sell not just as many shares as she could, but every single share that she owned. She sounds like a brilliant woman who can well appreciate a tulip.

Eulogy made by James Rasteh
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